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Scum Talk

by Barry Powell (from Lobster Telephone 22)

Being the transscript of a conversation the took place between Old Tongue the Bearded Giraffe and his old friend , fellow time traveller, religious fanatic and terrorist Mr Scummy Scum Scum.

OT: "Switch the tape on, I'm here in the form of a small staffordshire bull terrier with complicated vocal cords, Mr Scummy Scum Scum is standing at the window."
MSSS: "Hello Old Tongue, hello tape recorder, It's getting dark outside & silence descends over the city ha ha ha." (sarcastic laughter)
OT: "I suppose in a way, you are to blame for the ruins, you after all, dabbling in terrorism, my friend."
MSSS: "Not so, sister (Old Tongue as female bull terrier) as was merely a follower of the fruits, and a humble artist carrying out my trade."
OT: "The fruits?"
MSSS: "You know what I mean, the Fruits of St. Scummy Scum Scum, rest their souls."
OT: "This recording may well be written down, I'll talk into the tape to explain these things to anyone who may read it."
MSSS: "Sure"
OT: "The Fruits of St. Scummy Scum Scum were a little known group of fanatics founded in honor of St Scum, patron saint of those who are looked down on by others. In a attack by the authorities, led by the hideous reactionary Noncom Failish, all were wiped out save you, my friend, and Nun Slug whose whereabouts are still unknown."
MSSS: "This is all true, but insignificant, what happens next was more important, you're a time traveller, you know what happened next, I'm speaking out of tense."
OT: "OK, you formed the Lack of Meaning Brigade, terrorists without a cause, randomly bombing, randomly acting out atrocity sequences."
MSSS: "LOOK, not so, we were not terrorists, we were artists, we did things for no reason, no political reason, nothing. But what we did these thing with, bombs and so on, only reflected the times, if there weren't no bombs about, we wouldn't have reandomly come across them, now would we?"
OT: "Go on."
MSSS: "An' you been looking at too many contemporary news reels, we did 'good' things as well, gave money away, risked our lives for others, but for no reason. None of this got reported though, cos the media couldn't understand it. Actually though there was nothing to understand... no reason."
OT: "But I was a small human being at the time, though I was living in Serengeti, and eating acacias. I heard what happened. You made a hell of a mess of the west, though, if you hadn't done it, they would have."
MSSS: "Exactly. So we went on doing random things, killing ourselves, dressing up as gorillas, people of the opposite sex to what we were, bombing, giving money away, and we happened to get hold of a nuclear bomb, oh and we happened to let it off. End of the cities."
OT: "So you didn't mean any harm?"
MSSS: "NO, we didn't mean anything."
OT: "But why did you destroy the western world?"
MSSS: "Oh, no reason really, after all, we didn't want to kill people, we didn't go to all the trouble of making nuclear fission devices that would fireball and massacre millions deliberately, others did that..., we were just playing, they meant murder, we meant nothing."
OT: "I never liked the shopping precincts anyway."

Tape recorder switched off. The time travellers leave the ruins, they are always leaving, leaving something.

That is the way reality is.


Barry Powell 1988